Dateline SEP 1 2004

DAY 1

flew Manchester to Amsterdam for the connection to cape town in the departure lounge I get into a conversation with a nice couple from SA who had been on holiday for the last month in the UK she asked me what I was doing when I told her I would be going down the garden route at some stage she gave me her phone No and said you can stay over this is all happening while trying to board the plane. On the plane sat next to an elderly lady (well older than me anyway) when you are on a flight for 12hrs you do tend to talk at the end she asked me for the phone No of where I was staying as she was going to ask the family about organising a BBQ, I'm not even in C/T yet and already had 2 invites.

Plane touched down at 2245hrs had to taxi in go through passport control pick up my rucksack through immigration and then meet the guy with the car did the paper work jumped in the car and drove 20k to C/T the guest house was a further 8k and I walked in the door at 2355hrs I thought that wasn't bad.

DAY 2

was up by 8.30 had breakfast and off into town went to the area known as the waterfront if you have been to Sydney it's the same as Darling Harbour if you haven't been use your imagination and get out more, the place is very good plenty of street thing'ies there was one guy playing what's known as an African Guitar which is a 1gallon oil can made into an electric guitar he made Eric Clapton look like a novice, moving on I had lunch close to a large tree under which a 4 piece combo was playing jazz, to be followed by 10 locals singing African songs with no musical backup, all the time I keep seeing this very large mountain you can't miss it, on my walk about came across a restaurant that had been recommended asked if they were busy reply was not at this time of year, moving on came across a jazz club (memo to redders tell savage I found the green dolphin) so went home to prepare myself for the evening, dressed up in my best backpackers gear went to the restaurant to be told very sorry sir but were busy can do you a table in about 20mins agreed to wait having a look at the menu somebody came to ask if I wanted anything off the specials asked what the specials were to which they brought the most enormous platter over and went on to describe I reckon every bloody fish in the Atlantic Ocean, having decided what to eat, went to the table my starter was thin strips of prime beef followed by a baby klingklip (it's a fish) I also think it's code for baby whale it was enormous it would of fed all of you plus me a nice bottle of wine all for the outrageous price of 19pds will have to cut back in future, on to the jazz club which was ok except for 3 drunken Frenchmen, still at the end of the first full day every thing was good.

DAY 3

at breakfast the lady cook said the weather was going to be good today so into the batmobile and off to table mountain and the cable car this is where my powers of description will fail, try and imagine having in your back yard a hill? 1100mts high (for the older members that's 3600ft) from the bottom up the views are spectacular you can see it everywhere you go, the cable car is interesting as it revolves 360 degrees as you ascend and believe me going up is quite an experience, then you get to the top the only word I can come up with is stunning anyway there are a few walks which they give descriptions to such as easy or nice so off I go following some people ahead somebody forgot to tell me because 2.5hrs later I returned having walked the whole bloody top, feeling in need of some sustenance and a rest came down the mountain and went looking for some lunch which I found decided to keep on motoring the same way and came across a place called Llandudno great beach so thought yes this will do for a small kip just about to lie down when it struck me that a. I was the oldest by about 35yrs b. I was the only one without a surfboard and c. there were a lot of pretty young things around and the girls were not bad either, so sleep was with one eye open at all times. On the way back to the guest house sussed out places to go, got back and had chat with Ben (the owner) he suggested I try a place called Cloudy Bay which I had passed through on the way back he reckoned it was a lot cheaper than the waterfront, so dressed up as Mr COOL off I went strolled up and down getting a feel for the place again full of people young enough to be my grandkids but I persevere arrived at one place just as some people were leaving , a table right on the front but the waiter said sorry it was taken but if I wanted to wait about 20 mins he would sort me out so again went in search of the bar after a few mins one of the staff (female) asked if I was on my own puzzled look on face but was polite was shown to my table so Mr cool puffed out his chest and sat centre stage, half way through my meal another member of staff (male) asked if I was on my own, by now I'm becoming a bit paranoid and I noticed the first waiter looking at me so not to be out done I looked back at him BIG mistake after a few mins he minced over held out his hand and said Hi my name's Nico, for those people with a nervous disposition please look away now, we had what I call a full and frank discussion regarding my gender at the end Nico was in no doubt as to what was not going on at which point in noticed that the whole place had gone very still so I picked up my glass of wine and kept on drinking.

DAY 4

The next morning I'm telling Ben and he tells me C/T is the gay capitol of Africa I DIDN'T KNOW THAT so off to see more sites this time down to the cape point which is were the cape of good hope is very interesting it's in a game park as I'm driving down this small road I go past an Ostrich looking for my camera realise it's in the boot efficient as always so down to the point were the sign says cape of good hope out comes camera and all set for going back to film the big bird it's moved a bit but still in same area approx parked the car still with the engine running left the door open and slowly approached keeping a close eye  every time it looked at me I'm edging away (ok I'm chicken) after that kept on driving and drove past a baboon walking along the side of the road after being warned about them I didn't stop. That night I decided to go into town but not to the waterfront but town got directions from Ben plenty of bars and wine bars it started to rain so into an Itialian another good meal at the end having been having some banter with the waitress I asked her about bars etc as I thought it was a bit early to go home her answer was well there are lots of gay bars in the area, she then asked me why I was head butting the table I made my excuses and left went home and practiced for an hour in the mirror at looking macho then went to bed feeling a bit inadequate. But here I am bright and early typing this load of rubbish to you lot.

Before a arrived I booked only 3 nights but after 1 day changed it to 6 which is up tomorrow so as of tomorrow morning I'm off to do the garden route so don't know what it's like re internet cafe's so please bear with me.

DAY 5 Sunday

Having spent all morning sending the last email jumped in the car and drove to a place called Saldanha and the west coast national park very nice with all the spring flowers going on for miles, & on the coast massive boulders with the Atlantic crashing against them. After getting home wasn't in the mood for C\T centre so decided to go Nico's way, now I have an admission to make, with all the excitement of being pulled by nico I got confused & called the place cloudy bay It's real name is Camps Bay (that's ironic) anyway slowly cruising down main St look to my left @ nico's place not there look forward &there's a crossing in front with guess who mincing across I suddenly developed leg cramps & my foot slammed down on the gas peddle but mincing can be quite quick anyway he waved at me as I went past (I think it was a wave)

DAY 6 Monday

Off on the garden route today before I left rang friends from Cyprus who have a house here an hour from C\T I was invited for lunch, and when I arrived was invited to stay the night Mary (the wife) asked me where I was going & then spent the next hour phoning around for accommodation & came up trumps in a place called George, we then went for a drive around false bay looking for whales (disappointment) & in the evening we went to Stellenbosch for dinner, they are on the list now so a big thank you to both of you.

DAY 7 Tuesday

Drove to George 400k arrived late afternoon found the B&B everything tickity boo.

DAY 8 Wednasday

On advice from lady of the house Karin went to visit Cango Caves very spectacular will describe at a later date , on again further advice from Karin went to visit an Ostrich farm which did rides ? this is a shortened version due to my slow typing had guide all to my self asked if I wanted to feed  same as feeding horses as I taught Joanne all she knows about them felt confident hold out hand fine try 2nd time look at guide next thing hand down throat quickly reaching elbow took a swing at the birds head guide yells 3 "boys" appear & rugby tackle me to the ground (now know what M Parkinson felt like) pulled up trousers straighten hair & guide says "I suppose a rides out of the question" moving on went to see 2 birds in field with eggs as we enter gate she says male is called Jack the Ripper & female is called Jane the Slapper sic (I didn't ask) she then picks up a thorn bush wrong thorn tree it was over 3 mts long this she says is because they can get a bit aggressive over the eggs so doing a quick impression of the girl in the film Carrie 360 jobbie female is down field feeding my mate Jack is sat on ground 20mts away looking at ME of we go bush,guide,me I'm closer to the guide than she is to the bush (memo to the boys guide is young, female, attractive & has an arse bigger than mine so don't even go there) she then invites me to stand on the eggs payback time thinks I so I hop on thinking my next word would be OOP's but no I was going to ask her to take photo but that would of meant letting go of the bush, so we leave the field the same way me,guide,bush , next she takes me over to a coral with about a dozen  of these devil beasts in there with 1 in a restraint standing up but not able to move she then tells me all the things I didn't want to know then invites me to sit on the thing just then the "boys" appear with a set of steps & big grins with pride at stake put zimmer to one side climbed the steps & mounted the thing (wrong choice of words editor) the guide then took my camera & took photo of me on  this beast of the devil. Then went home feeling knacked.

Up bright and early at 7am on the road in the bat mobile by 8 off to a safari park my first, only 2 things worth telling 1. in the blurb they said you are taken round in 1 of our 4x4 vehicles it was a shed on wheels with the sides ripped out, but I have to say it did the job, we where quite high off the ground & had a good view of everything, the other point was the Lions, which they kept until the end, you go through an electrified fence  into an enclosed area and the guide explains that they had 2 pair just then we come across the first pair just lying in the bush doing what lions do, he starts to tell us that he will go looking for the other pair when they come strolling by so he drives around to an area where we can have a better view which is about 3 mts from the male, now I have to explain I'm sat on the back seat of the shed and the lion is to my left in line with the back seat which means I'm the closest to the beast than anybody on the vehicle as everybody is taking photo's the male starts to growl (getting louder) the guide says it's just the female teasing him, just then he opens his mouth wide and lets out an almighty roar (don't forget I'm 3mts from this thing) the guide shouts at it in what I suppose is lion speak while the rest of us are at the front of the vehicle changing our underwear (me included) other that that nothing of note happened, declined lunch (memo to bones, given up on lunch just eating fruit now) drove down to Mossell Bay & sat on the beach eating my fruit watching the rollers come in off the Indian Ocean very calming, on the way back Karin had mentioned a crocodile farm so as I was passing decided to call in, not knowing what to expect I thought it would be a guided tour but no you wander around on your own but she took me to the first pen (that's what they are called with a lake surrounded by land) and says this has 500 crocs in it and they are all 4yrs old well it was 1 step back they where all on the land and they were stacked up on one another, then I'm on my own strolled over to the next pen theirs about 1000 in this one all about 1/2 mte long so quick as a flash me thinks about 2yrs old as I walk past movement or noise makes about a quarter of them slip into the water fascinating to watch get to the next pen look over and JESUS about 1mtr below me is one 5mts long & it's looking at me I don't know about you but it doesn't matter at what angle you approach these things they are always looking at you with that grin quick look around and while there are not as many in this pen they look as if they are entered into the big boy competition all of them could win, decided it was time to go when it dawned on me that there where a lot of birds just sitting around from cranes to small ones in there hundreds it was just like a scene from Hitchcocks The Birds very scary, went home for peace and quiet

BEASTS OF THE DEVIL

DAY 10 Friday

Caught a steam train called the Choo Choo (yes it is) to a place called Knasner through some spectacular scenery 2.5hrs to get there then hopped on a ferry for a trip round the bay then back on the train home, now this is where it starts to get a bit bizarre, in C/P the I'net costs me 10R /hr in George it's 50R/hr so asked a girl in a restaurant was there any others and she drew me a map so after the train ,in the car go looking for this place I park in front of a design shop with a couple of women sat on the terrace drinking coffee so off I go looking for this place, can't find it anywhere so in desperation ask the ladies on the terrace, says you can use mine try to decline but insists grabs me by the arm and leads me to her desk (posh desk) plonks me down and says on you go, so I pick up all my emails (thanks to those who sent) and go out to the ladies, anyway when she finds out what I'm doing insists I come back tomorrow so I can send my tome, so next morning in the house I write out the email in long hand first to make it quicker on her computer jump in the car  and drive round not knowing if she would remember me she did, so start typing away as fast as I can (after the episode with the Devils Beast I've gone from being  1 fingered to half fingered) and guess what get to the end of the report to find I've been cut off again, as I'm in somebody's shop I feel I can't give vent to my true feelings but there where dark thoughts in there, so you ended up with a rather poor report it was funnier than that, so feeling a bit embarrassed about the length of time taken I walk outside to be offered a drink of orange and some cake, what happened next believe me is true, being grateful for the use of her computer I try to be a friendly as poss but every time I said anything there would be giggles or shouts of laughter and they would touch my arm etc I will jump forward a bit here, as I was slaving over a hot key board the 2 of them had been drinking as I thought orange but it was getting large portions of gin as well now I didn't now this at the time but it's beginning to dawn and I'm beginning to feel nervous I don't know if it's psychosomatic but my hands and lower arms started to cramp up with the pain I jumped to my feet looking like Tommy Cooper just about to say his famous line, that in it's self was bad enough but the older one of the women 40ish jumped up at the same time and my hands where about 2ins from her breasts still cramped as a look of horror appeared on my face a slow smile appeared on hers, time to go thinks I still with cramped hands I run to the car 3mts away trying to get the keys out of my pocket which wasn't easy fumbling at the door panicking just to get away, open door start engine, now some of you know my car at home is an automatic I had left this car in gear forgot to dip the clutch the car jumps forward hits the kerb to which the other woman 20ish falls of her chair screaming with laughter while the first one still has that smile into reverse then off at a great rate not seeing the sleeping policeman the car takes off as I hit it but there was no way I was stopping, went home for another lie down. That evening I rang the people I met at Amsterdam airport (this was in 1a which I think some didn't receive so please bare with me as I send it to everybody again) they said please come for lunch tomorrow , and you will stay the night won't you, so the next morning off in the bat mobile again and arrive about lunch time they had invited their friends as well except for the couple the others where about 20yrs older one of them a retired minister from the dutch reform church so the lady of the house puts on a beautiful spread I'm just about to dig in when she says that the minister will say grace and everybody holds hands I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable by this stage expecting a bolt of lightning to come through the roof any minute, after lunch the friends go home and the guy says would you like to go to bed for an hour, no then the lady comes into the room and says would like to go to bed for an hour, I take the hint this time, afterwards they take me out in the car and show me the place it's ok then back for a light meal and in bed by 10 with no alcohol now that's 3 firsts all in one day, left the next day having said more prayers over breakfast (they where really nice people) on the way back to C/T called into a place called Hermunus which ia supposed to be the best place to see whales and I did 2 adults and 1 baby so the day wasn't wasted have spent today doing this and tomorrow am off to Durban, having seen the size of this email I think I should give you all a rest so will sign off now and be in touch later.

SEP 22 (HE'S LOST COUNT OF THE DAYS)

No groaning at the back, the last couple of days in C/T I spent quietly charging up the batteries ready for my next adventure ie Durban had spoken to a lady in Durban about a room for the night from C/T so jump on the plane about 2hrs again from landing, including picking up a car and driving approx 20k still arrived 1.5hrs later airports are much easier in SA than in the UK I'm in a place called Umhlanga Rocks it's pronounced um  shlanga very posh the B&B could only put me up for one night but she found a similier B&B just up thr road so at the moment I'm hopping around like a frog on speed but both places are very good (i'm back in the first place again, but am typing this Tome from the computer of the 2nd B&B) again everybody is so friendly, have been here a week now and 1st impressions are hasn't got the things to do or see compared to C/T but the weather is to die for, a couple of you asked for a weather report, well it's early spring and it's about 28c every day with no humidity to use a phrase It's bloody marvellous, the beaches are wonderful clean sand that stretches for miles (sorry k's) so have been catching up on a bit of sunbathing, drove up the coast the other day went to a place called Ballito that's even posher than Umhlanga, for all the people here are always complaining about having no money they certainly now how to build BIG houses.

Drove into Durban a couple of days ago went to see an aquarium called uShaka with Dolphins doing tricks this time without my help, they also have a proper ship stuck in the middle of the place which has glass cut outs in the sides and you watch sharks both swim by and get fed ugh!!! they also have a restaurant from where you can eat shark steaks while watching their brothers swim by, talking of food have given up on breakfast as well as lunch, having fruit salad for breakfast, fruit for lunch and a child's portion for my dinner, and I still can't lose weight (it's got nothing to do with the alcohol)

Have a cousin who lives in Durban who I haven't seen in over 30yrs so gave him a call and offered to take him and his wife out for dinner, the next day I was round at theirs having a Braai (BBQ) haven't worked that one out yet but have still offered to take them out for dinner, waiting for a call.

Went to Pietermaritzburg the other day, wasn't too impressed quite a few old buildings but no atmosphere so came back and topped up my tan again.

Off to battle the breakers in the Indian Ocean now

OCT 1

Well that was SA been there done that, since we last spoke went to a place called the Drakensberg Mountains (the highest in SA) spectacular doesn't do them justice especially as I went up in a helicopter (now is that cool or what!!!) when I rang to book, the lady said 11.00 the next day @R580 approx 50 pounds for 20mins not bad, when I arrive there was a party of Dutch who had booked 3 trips one after the other & I was in the middle one, the lady waited until they moved away & then said to me that the Dutch had booked the longer flight, putting on my stupid grin I said nothing to which she said if I didn't tell anybody I would still pay R580 with a smile still on my face I asked how much their trip was  R750 of course I can keep my mouth shut, now as this trip included a landing half way up the mountain approx 1900mts so you could take photos & a glass of champagne, I'm standing there slurping away thinking should I say anything but just smiled, have photo so will send it later, was away about an hour not bad for R580. After that I decided I needed some exercise so drove to a spot where for R15 you could walk on trails that varied in time taken to walk them from 1hr to 6hrs decided on the 2hr walk, took a wrong turn & arrived 4hrs later, now the route said you go up approx 400mts but what it didn't tell you was you also dropped about 400mts so overall I climbed 800mts by the time I got back to the car I was blowing for tugs & on my hands & knees just then a young guy from Israel walks by rucksack on back, been out 6hrs done the lot & wasn't even breathing heavy (I'm to old for this) that night went to a touristy type centre, caravan park, self catering chalets, etc which had a restaurant which was doing an eat as much as you want carvery which was brilliant all for R40 about 3.5 pds all in all a good day out. Am staying with my cousin for the last 2 days tomorrow I fly up to J'berg then fly to Mumbai that's Bombay to the older ones amongst you, don't know about I'net cafes so please be patient.

Views on SA I thought Cape Town & the Garden Route were top notch, Durban ok if you want a beach holiday, on reflection I should of stayed in the Cape area longer & Durban shorter, but overall I think SA is excellent & the people are so friendly, will try & come back & would recommend it to anyone, I hope I'll be saying the same in 5 weeks time re India.

Trying to Keep the Faith

Lots of Love

Peter

Enjoying a free glass of champagne